


The way he looks at you

by MKramarenco



Category: Friends (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Joey, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay Chandler, Getting Together, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Some Angst with a Happy Ending, but he just needs a hug, chandler is scared of rejection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 01:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14863772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MKramarenco/pseuds/MKramarenco
Summary: Chandler has been pining after his best friend for years. And now said best friend has a new girlfriend that seems like a serious business and Chandler can't be more jealous.





	The way he looks at you

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So, this is my first fic ever, not only as in, first fanfic, but also the first thing I've ever written in English, since I'm actually from Chile. So, anyway, hope you like it and I would love to get some constructive criticism, feel free to comment! Thank you so much for reading!

It was nearing midnight and he was at a shitty 24h supermarket in the middle of NY waiting in line to buy some shitty beer to take back to the apartment. And if the kid that was before him could decide soon what kind of candy bar he would take his girlfriend, well, that would've been great.

The cashier looked almost as bored and done as he himself felt and Chandler could only begin to imagine what must have been like to work in that place at those hours. After what felt like hours he got to pay for the beer and an impulsively chosen chocolate bar, and went outside into the cold mid-February air.

The store was more block away from the apartment than Chandler would have liked, but hey, when your roommate is apparently so good at sex that he is making the girl of the week cry out his name over and over while you are trying to sleep and can hear everything because of the paper thin walls, well, there’s only so many things you can do.

So there he was, walking back home, hoping they were finally over with their porn sounding sex so he could just go to sleep and pretend the next morning that he was not hopelessly gay and disgustingly in love with said roommate.

The streets were obviously empty, freshly fallen snow laying over everything and he tried to avoid slipping and falling.

It took about ten minutes before he was climbing the stairs and opening the door to a, oh thank god, silent apartment. He was just setting the beers into the almost empty fridge, thanks Joe, when said guy walked out of the bathroom. Shirtless. With sex rumpled hair. Yawning like a newborn kitten. And Chandler was so gone and so fucked up.

“Hey man! I thought you were asleep!” The good mood was evident in Joey’s voice despite the sleepiness.

“Oh yeah, like I could’ve gotten any sleep while I kept hearing everything through this damn walls”

Joey’s eyes went wide and second latter where filled with guilt.

“Oh man, I’m so sorry, didn't mean to wake you up!” He paused for a second before his eyes were filled with pride “But I have to say that to make a woman scream like that you have to be a natural my friend”

And just like that Chandler was done with the situation.

“Yeah, okay Joe, congrats, I’m just gonna go to bed now”

And it seemed like Joey was about to say something, something flickering in his eyes that Chandler couldn't quite put his finger on, but let it go, a small smile grazing his lips.

“Yeah, okay, good night man”

So he just stepped into his bedroom, pulled off the hoodie he had thrown over his pajamas before going out and fell face first groaning into the unmade bed.

 

 

 

He could've woken up to the usual singing man that lived across the window in the other building, but instead, it was the sweet laughter of a girl in the other room that ripped Chandler out of his dreamland.

He grumpily pulled the sheets away, the chilly air making him shiver slightly before he padded to the door, opening it slowly, in hopes that the couple outside wouldn't notice him.

Of course, that plan quickly failed when Joey spotted him and his face broke into a huge smile. Chandler felt his heart miss a beat and tried to smile back, knowing fully well he hadn't achieved it. He knew, though, that as it was a Saturday, Joey had no auditions, which meant today he wasn't making pancakes and sending the girl on her way. And nothing could cheer him up more than that, cause that way he didn't have to deal with jealousy and pity for the woman.

He quickly tried to make his way to the door, not bothering with saying hi. Joey though, was not amused by this and grabbed his arm before he could even open said door.

“Hey Chandler, good morning, nice to see you, slept well?” Sarcasm dripping from his voice. He dropped quickly enough though, something like hope stirring in his eyes “You’re not staying? I wanted you to meet Laura, she’s new to town and I was hoping we could all go to have coffee with her so I could introduce her to everyone”

And wait, what?! What on earth was going on? Joey did not introduced girls to the group and he most certainly never looked this eager for everyone to meet someone.

It must have shown on his face, since Joey was immediately pulling him along to his bedroom so they could talk. Chandler didn't even have to say anything, his expression communicating everything he needed.

“Look Chandler, I know it’s weird since I never do this, but I really really like her. She’s funny, she’s smart but not too much and she has a great body” and of course that came with a goofy smile and some obscene hand gestures. As he got no reaction from his friend, that was still gaping at him by the way, he sighed “Dude, come on, it would mean so much to me if you could just approve this, you know your opinion means a lot to me”

And maybe it was that or the doe eyes that got Chandler out of his trance. He wished his features to stay neutral, knowing well enough that he was usually way too expressive.

“Yeah, okay, I’m sorry, I was just really shocked. Cause it’s shocking Joe, I never expected this from you… But sure, you have my blessing, I would never get in the way of you happiness man” And just as he began panicking that he had said too much, that Joey was so gonna be able to figure it out, since he was not nearly as stupid as people thought, his friend gave him a beaming smile and jumped forward to hug him.

So Chandler just melted into the arms of his best friend, forced down the jealousy bubbling in his throat and wished his feeling aways, not for the first time.

 

 

 

Afterward, he excused himself saying he was starving and only Monica’s food would be able to tame the hunger inside of him and escaped the apartment before he did something stupid. And he felt the need to hide in some dark, far far away corner of the world and cry his heart out cause he just knew he would never get a chance with the man at the other side of the door, well, no one needed to know.

And as he was just so bad at hiding his emotions that as soon as he stepped into Monica’s and the two girls living there took one look at him, they were immediately fussing over him.

“Oh my god, Chandler, you look as if someone had killed a puppy in front of you” And that was just great, cause now he was picturing that and it did nothing to help his mood.

“Come on honey, we have some nice breakfast that will cheer you up, right Mon?”

Said girl was in a blink of an eye rushing to prepare the tastiest and most mouth-watering breakfast that could exist in the gang’s opinion, but the blue-eyed man was so under the weather that he just slumped down into a chair and willed he could just sink into hell.

Yeah, he was being dramatic, sue him, but it was just like him to blow things out of proportion and sulk about it. He was soon playing with delicious food, not really being sure if he could actually stomach it.

And the more he played, the more restless Monica and Rachel seemed.

“Chandler? Honey? Can you just please tell us what happened? We’re dying here” And he could clearly recognize the desperation in Monica’s voice.

But he was just unable to voice out his feeling, his most well kept secret. Or at least that was what he wanted to think. He slumped into himself even more.

“Is it about your feeling for Joey?” And the question was just so innocent, Rachel not even realizing the weight of her words.

But Chandler just froze.

He could barely catch Monica and Rachel arguing in harsh whispers, but he was too caught up in his panic to really hear was they were saying.

“Chandler? Chandler! Please, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to throw it on you like that, I’m just worried! Please say something” And now Rachel’s voice was full of despair too and he just felt horrible.

He willed his voice to work, clearing his throat about a hundred times before being able to actually form words that came out raspy and full of raw emotions anyways.

“You… You know? About my… preferences?”

And he cringed internally at how formal that sounded but he couldn't found it in him to say the word just then.

The silence was oppressing even when it lasted just a few seconds for them to get over their surprise. Cause they thought Chandler would freak out about they knowing about his feeling for his best friend, not about the fact that they knew from day one about his sexual orientation.

“Oh my god honey, you were worried about that?” Rachel was the first one to find her voice.

“Chandler, we have known you for years, and sure, Ross and Joey obviously have no idea, but we’re girls, we know about this things, call it sixth sense or whatever” Monica smiled in that encouraging way of hers, while Rachel’s smile was sweet and supporting and suddenly Chandler didn't feel as alone and hopeless as he had mere second ago.

“Well in that case… I’m not even gonna ask how do you guys know about Joey, honestly. But yeah, it’s about him…” He sighted while fidgeting with the table cloth “He… he met this girl that is new to town and they hit it off and he’s apparently halfway in love with her and wants us all to meet her… I mean, he never does that! For all I know they will get married tomorrow as Emily and Ross did and I will be forced to be the best man cause I’m his best friend and can’t say no to those freaking puppy eyes of his and I will end up alone and with a broken gay heart…” He didn’t even care that for the first time in his life he had openly recognized he was gay out loud. He was now picturing all of those things happening and the simple thought made him want to throw himself from the balcony.

He wasn't aware of the looks Monica and Rachel were sharing, having a whole conversation without saying words. The brunette was the first one to speak.

“Look, Chandler, I know it seems bad. But I assure you that Joey will not marry this girl, she won’t probably last more than a few weeks. None of us actually think Joey will get married with any girl at all. You know how he is. I know it might seem like a lot to endure, but you’ve made it this long, so have some faith in yourself…” She seemed doubtful about her next words, but one look to Rachel’s stern expression told her she should just tell their friend “And I know you might hate us for saying this and getting this idea into your head… but we really think you should tell Joey about how you feel”

Chandler’s head immediately went up, wide blue eyes staring at the two girls, and both of them were able to feel the scarred panicked feeling the man was suddenly surrounded by. Rachel chose that moment to intervene before their friend went into full panicked mode, possibly close enough to a panic attack.

“Ok honey, listen to me. If you think for a second Joey will hate you, and feel repulsed and move out just because you are in love with him, you are so so wrong and he would probably feel insulted you think so lowly of him. He loves you Chan, doesn't matter how, but he would never let you hurt because of him, he’s way too good friend for that, and you are his best friend. How can you think he will react like that?” As she saw the panicked expression change into a doubtful one, she smiled softly, reaching for his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze “We just want you to consider it honey, it would make you feel so much better, independently from how it ends. We just want whats best for you”

And he believed her, but all Chandler could do was bury his head between his hands, willing his heart to believe what his friends had just said as well.

 

 

 

It was almost the sixth month after that dreadful morning and everything Chandler had predicted was becoming true.

Joey was dating Laura, that was as amazing as Joey had made it sound, which only helped Chandler sulk more and be even more unhappier. He still hadn’t said anything to Joey. Ross suspected there was something going on between his two male friends but was too oblivious to tell. Besides that, everyone acted as if nothing had changed.

Laura adapted real quick into their group, and even though the three girls were on Chandler’s side (Phoebe had expressed her support the same day the girls helped him by a “I knew it!” and a “I love you no matter what” followed by a hug) they all loved the red headed addition. Even Chandler himself, since the girl had amazing comebacks that dripped sarcasm 24/7 and her sense of humor mixed with his all too well.

So it all sucked, cause he couldn't even hate the woman. But he kept on sulking and suffering between the four walls of his bedroom while on the outside he was, or tried to be, the same Chandler everyone knew. Everything was fine.

 

 

 

Except suddenly it wasn't cause Joey intercepted him one morning before he could escape the apartment and do something useless to stay as far away as possible of said man, which had been his strategy since the fourth month.

“Chandler! Wait! I really need to talk to you about something” Oh man, he had been just so so close. And he knew what he had coming, he could see it in Joey’s posture “Look man… since this whole Laura thing started you have been really distant… And I know you like her, so I just can’t understand this? Is it me?” And there they were again, the huge doe/puppy like eyes that Chandler and basically anyone who knew the guy couldn't say no to.

“What? No! Joey, come on, you are my best friend! Why on earth would I be avoiding you?” Chandler knew there it was, the tone, as Joey used to call it. When he didn't actually believe something, or was lying, his voice would get high pitched.

So when he saw his best friend’s eyebrow twitch, he knew his lie was not believable.

“Dude, please, just tell me!” And, honestly, Chandler’s heart broke a little when he noticed how truly hurt Joey was. He could see it in those chocolate colored eyes that he usually fantasied about.

“Just… Look Joe, I’m sorry, okay? I know I’ve been distant, but I just… I can’t… I’m not able to tell you just why yet, sorry man” He awkwardly fidgeted with his hands, rubbing them together in that nervous way of his, avoiding at all costs Joey’s eyes.

He realized the exact moment the man gave up, since he seemed to slump into himself, a heavy sight escaping his mouth.

“Okay, yeah, it’s… it’s fine. I get it. Just… if there’s something wrong with me… with us, you would tell me, right?”

Blue eyes immediately met brown, wide with surprise.

“What, of course! I… this is not about you Joe, I swear. We’re okay” A wide smile spread across his best friend’s features, his eyes crinkling in the corners and filled with happiness.

He went for a quick hug before letting go but keeping both of his hands in Chandler’s shoulders.

“Oh god, that’s just, thanks man, I was just so worried! You are my best friend, you know? I can’t loose you, what would I do?!”

“Honestly Joe? Neither of us has a clue”

He received a light punch in his left arm by an answer.

 

 

 

Turns out, the conversation he had with Joey was just a bad bad bad idea.

Cause, suddenly, as a _bonding moment_ , the guy just decided to drag Chandler along to buy Laura’s sixth month anniversary present. And since they were that grossly sweet kind of couple, it had to be just ‘perfect’.

So there he was, being dragged along trough one big commercial avenue by the love of his life that was looking for a present to give the woman he was dating. The perfect situation. He was feeling just peachy.

What he had apparently missed, was that ‘perfect’ for Joey meant ‘Chandler approved’, which also meant his opinion was heavily considered in the moment of buying any kind of product. And he was just so not in the mood to give Joey’s selections much thought.

“Hey Chan, which kind of necklace do you think Laura would like the most?” In his hands Joey held two silver necklaces that were basically the same to the blue eyed man.

“I don’t… Do you, honest to God, think in college I studied how to choose jewelry for a woman? Cause I don’t really remember taking that subject” And maybe he should have seen it coming, but apparently that was the exact moment Joey had had enough.

“Sorry, I’ll come back to this later” His tone was polite while putting both pieces of jewelry back over the crystal counter and taking to the salesman that had been trying to help for the last twenty minutes or so. He then turned to Chandler, a displeased expression in his face “You. We are going home. And you’re telling me what the hell is going on”

And so they did. The shops they had been looking at were not that far from the apartment, so it took about ten minutes of Joey dragging Chandler before Joey was closing the door and turning to look at the blue-eyed men, who was just looking everywhere to avoid eye contact.

“Chandler. You have one more second to tell me what’s going on with you before I actually start loosing my mind over this” And even under the angry tone, there was hurt and worry and Chandler just wanted to go into his room and cry his eyes out cause, honestly, how could there be a person more perfect in his eyes than Joey.

This was hurting him. He was so selfish, scared of what it would mean to him if he confessed his true feelings, not realizing he was hurting Joey in the process. The one person he had tried to keep safe. And it torn him apart, knowing that this might have been the last few moments of their friendship. But Rachel’s words came back to him and he found himself releasing a deep sigh before he reached out to take Joey’s hand and gently move both of them to the couch.

“Okay, okay, you are right, I should have told you before. I’m sorry, I’m just scared that what I’m about to tell you will completely ruin our friendship and that thought alone terrifies me…” And he was rambling, he knew that, but he had to brace himself before he could actually say the words.

“You… Chandler you are worrying over nothing. Nothing you could say to me would ruin our friendship, you are way too important for me to just let something get in the way of us”

And that sounded so much like something a lover would say. But it was ridiculous to think like that. Joey only meant it in a friendly way. He wasn't going down that road though. He took a deep breath, finding Joey’s eyes but unable to keep the eye contact.

“Okay, here we go…” He fixed his gaze in his lap “I love you, Joe”

Seeing as Joey didn’t immediately react, he started explaining himself even before the guy asked him for one explanation.

“And I mean it as in I am in love with you. Have been for as long as we’ve known each other. Maybe a little less. I’m not really one to believe in love at first sight, you know?” He laughed awkwardly, his gaze still fixed on the hem of his t-shirt that he has fidgeting with “But yeah. And that’s why I've been trying to stay away. You love Laura, and she’s so so cool, everything I could never be. And I just want you to be happy, doesn’t matter if it kills me to see you with her. I just want to keep the smile you carry around when you look at her in your face forever. I never wanted to get in the way. And I’m so so sorry about the present. I couldn’t bring myself to help you get her something when, even though I really like her, I get jealous every time I see you two together cause I jusmmmmmphh…”

His speech was cut shortly by lips on his, his head being held into place by a hand in the back of his neck, while other cupped his cheek. Warm, soft, plump lips were pressed against his own with a rough edge that soon turned into a gentle pressure when he stopped trying to keep talking. He kissed back by reflex, his eyes closing while his hand went up to grab the wrist of the hand cupping his face, the other being used for support so he wouldn't fall off the couch because of the surprise. It was only when he actually caught up to what was going on that he ripped himself away, watching Joey with wide eyes while his hand went up to touch his lips.

“Wha… You kissed me! Why did you kiss me?!” He was, most definitely, freaking out. His breathing became erratic and suddenly he felt like he was drowning.

Joey’s eyes went wide and he immediately went to cup both cheeks of Chandler’s face.

“Okay, no. You are so not having a panic attack just after we shared our first kiss. Breath Chan, I know you can do it” He obeyed, following his friend’s own breathing pattern and soon enough he felt like himself again. Once Joey realized this, he gently rested his forehead against Chandler’s, his hands not leaving his face.

They stayed like that a few seconds before Chandler pulled back.

“What are you doing? You were supposed to reject me, not kiss me Joe” Said man’s eyebrows went up, eyes wide.

“What?! Why would I ever do that?! I’ve been pining over you for as long as you have!”

To say Chandler was speechless was to run short.

“I… I know I’ve been with my fair share of people, but it was only in the hope I could avoid and push down the feelings I have for you. Dude, I’ve been in love with you since forever. And Laura knows, you know? She was the first one to get it, she’s been trying to get over her own ex since we met. We were both trying to help each other… guess there’s no use to it now” That was finished with a small hopeful smile, soft eyes staring up at Chandler’s.

He spluttered unhelpfully.

“You are not even gay!” And oh man, was that the perfect thing to say.

Joey threw his head back while laughing.

“God, I love you but you are unbelievable. I’m bisexual, but I honestly don’t get why it matters”

If Chandler’s heart hadn't been to caught up in the confession coming from Joey, he would have argued, but he didn't have the mind for it.

“You… you love me?” And if the surprise and hope was way too obvious on his voice, who was he to care? He had spent way too many years pining, waiting, dreaming about this.

There was that look in Joey’s face, when his head tilted to the side and his whole face scrunched up in confusion, looking way too much like a confused puppy.

“Dude, come on! Keep up! That’s usually what ‘being in love with someone’ means!”

A nervous laughter bubbled from Chandler’s throat and soon enough he was finally relaxing into his best friend’s arm, burying his face in the crook of said man’s neck.

He felt like flying. Couldn't believe this was even happening. Joey loved him. He loved him back! He had waited his whole life for someone to love him, for his feeling not be unrequited, for someone, anyone, ideally a person from the male population, to accept him for who he was. And here it was, the best human being he had the luck to be best friends with, the one he had craved every single night since they met, the one he thought was just perfect, telling him he loved him too.

“What are you thinking about? I can feel your head overthinking this” Joey’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts and he leaned back, letting his gaze roam freely over the handsome features of the other’s face like he hadn't allowed himself before.

“No, I just… I’m so happy” And the smile he gave was genuine, all soft edges and warm feelings.

Joey smiled too, beaming at him, before he leaned forward and pressed his lips against Chandler’s in a chaste kiss, before he pulled back, as if testing the waters. The blue-eyed man didn't let him go far though, pulling him in again to press their lips together for a longer period of time. He parted his lips experimentally, and was greatly surprised when Joey only hummed happily and deepened the kiss. Hands roamed, Joey’s hands settling one in Chandler’s surprisedly lean waist, pulling him closer, the other in the back of his neck, guiding his head gently while the other’s hand ended up one in Joey’s chest, the other around his ribs.

Soon enough they were fully making out laying across the couch, Chandler ending up between Joey’s legs, most of his weight over the brown-eyed man’s chest. After a while, when the kisses turned to sleepy presses of lips, trailing across jaws and necks, just basking the warmth of the embrace. They ended up napping there, Chandler’s head against Joey’s chest, both heartbeats steady and calm. And if they woke up giddy and happy and couldn't help but tell the others right away, no one really judged them, although he saw the way the three girls shared a look and looked proud of him.

 

 

 

The group was sitting at their usual place in the coffee house, with the exception that now Chandler and Joey sat together in the armchair that was too small to hold both men comfortably so it usually ended with Chandler sitting in Joey’s lap, leaning against him or the armrest.

They were casually talking about some nonsense like dinosaurs or Phoebe’s last ridiculous massage client when Joey starter mindlessly nibbling at Chandler’s throat, apparently done with the conversation and having nothing else to do. He only rested more heavily against the other’s chest, sighting softly, not being able to continue being part of the conversation.

It was only when everyone turned to look at him expectantly that he realized they had been talking to him.

“Sorry, what was that?” He tried to straighten himself, but Joey’s arm around his waist kept him from doing so.

“Oh man, you guys are honest to god, ridiculous. It has been three fucking months! When will you be able to keep your hands to each other!” Ross complained loudly, obviously done with the situation.

Someone behind the sofa snickered softly.

“Well, I think they’re cute”

Everyone turned to the voice, meeting red hair and blue piercing eyes. A shorter brunette with soft hazel eyes and caramel skin close behind.

“Laura! Annie! We thought you wouldn't be back for another week!” Monica was immediately on her feet hugging the woman, followed by Rachel that seemed to squeeze the living hell out of the redhead.

So, it had been like this; Joey had broken up with Laura and Chandler had never in his life met someone before that was as comprehensive and forgiving as that woman. Soon enough she met a girl and they both started going out and fall in love. She had stayed as part of the group, everyone too fond of her to let her go. And she introduced them to Annie, her girlfriend. Everything was perfect, they were no hard feelings between either Chandler and Laura and Joey and Laura. Two months later the two girls announced they were moving to the other side of the country, since Annie had been offered her dream job in LA. So they were in the process of moving and Rachel was just sad since Laura and her both worked in fashion and had found a good friend in the industry.

But over all, it was all good. They were finishing up some things with the moving company before going away for good in two weeks. Chandler was surprised with how much he was gonna miss them.

Both him and Joey made no effort to move and say hi, too comfortable in their warm embrace to move. Both girls eyed them knowingly but said nothing, moving on to order some scones and coffee. Chandler turned around, smiled softly at Joey, that was looking up to him with an adoring gaze, as if he was responsible for hanging up the moon and all the stars.

A few months ago he had thought the fondest look Joey could give to someone was the one he gave Laura, followed by the softest smile. He had been wrong. He now knew the most adoring and fondest look Joey could give someone was him. He was now used to find brown eyes staring at him lovingly while he was doing things as mundane as cooking or talking to someone. The ones he liked the most, though, were those when they were buried in blankets, sometimes after having sex, there when they where just laying together, that were accompanied by an ‘I love you’ and followed by a kiss.

So yeah, maybe Chandler had been jealous of the expression Joey had when he was with Laura, but now he knew that it had been nothing compared to how Joey looked at him now.


End file.
